I’m normally of the opinion that bloggers don’t usually notice when someone we’re following hasn’t posted, or commented, in a while. We’re so caught up in visiting others, working on our own, and dealing with our real world that it may not jump right out at us when someone disappears. It doesn’t mean we don’t care, it’s just a big blogging world out there. I don’t expect you guys have noticed how I’ve been a terrible blogger for the last two-ish weeks, but regardless I’m sorry. I honestly can’t see where it’s going to get better in the next few weeks, at least, so (to ease my own guilt) I’ve decided to give you guys an update on my personal life.
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So, I’m not sure if you remember this post, but life is starting to look better. My husband’s foot is healed enough that he’s back to work on restrictions, because money was so tight. My puppy is mostly healed. Things are moving again. That’s all great. Then, nearly two weeks ago, I found out that I’m pregnant.
Just to give you a little bit of perspective; I did think I wanted to have a second child when I was younger, but as we got older and more settled in our lives the need for another baby dwindled. I also have fertility problems, so that I had my daughter naturally was pretty amazing, I was sure it wouldn’t happen again. In fact, we were pretty adamant we did not want another one. Seeing that plus sign on the test was shocking, but after calming down I think we both realized this was our last chance and we both really want it.
I also have anxiety and I’m 38 years old. Now that I’m excited for another baby, I find myself obsessing in other ways. I mean, whether it’s an outdated guideline or not, the idea that this pregnancy is ‘high risk’ triggers all my fears. I can’t seem to stop googling just to put my mind at ease. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn’t. What it does mean is that I haven’t done anything on Birdie Bookworm, because I’m caught up in my own head. The last two weeks on this blog were all pre-scheduled posts, and the ones that weren’t complete I just removed. I’m reading, I’m always reading, but I find that I’m grabbing my feel good favorites, rather than any of the ‘unknown’ books.
I feel like daily emotion is excitement, but so close to the surface is worry, and anything can set me off and bring on panic. If you have positive thoughts, prayers, well wishes, please send them my way and maybe in 8ish months I’ll be posting pictures of my hatchling.
In the meantime, I am really trying to be here. I will respond to comments as I can, I’ll be posting (hopefully) the easier blog posts and reviews. Please bear with me, at least for the next few months, I’ll be trying to return to blog hopping as things even out.
Thanks for listening -er, reading. 🙂