Stuff You Didn’t Want to Know

This post was a lot of fun to put together. It’s random as hell, with some bookish questions, and some non-bookish questions. Once again, it definitely led to some hilarious conversations.

That’s usually always how this goes with us.

FYI, there are some risque questions below, and a bit of foul language. If either offends you, please stop here. 🙂


If band names were literal, what would be the scariest band name to fight?

Cat:

Hear me out: Earth, Wind & Fire. You’re fighting three natural disasters simultaneously.

Birdie:

I really want to say Gnash, because that just sounds scary.  BUT, I’m going to pick Twenty One Pilots, simply because of the sheer number of freaking pilots.  I’m not so sure I’d hold my own against one pilot, even if they were out of shape.  I definitely would lose to 21 of them.

Cat:

You know what could beat your 21 Pilots?  My three natural disasters!

Birdie:

I feel pretty confident that someone in the 21 pilots can handle wind.

Cat:

Don’t forget Earth AND Fire. 

If book titles were literal, what would be the worst book to have sex with?

Cat:

Lord of the Flies.  Gross.

Birdie:

This isn’t my pick, but I’m looking through my books and I saw “Buried Deep” and died laughing.

Cat:

Excuse me, that sounds like the *best* book to have sex with…

Birdie:

Exactly why I couldn’t pick it!  Okay, I’m going with “Join the Club”.  I have no intention of joining that club, thanks sir!

Cat:

Well, neither one of us is into parties.

Literal book titles: BEST book to have sex with?

Cat:

The Sound and the Fury.  

Birdie:

Oh damn… well, Buried Deep!  DUH

Cat:

LMAO … I’m dying.

A book world you would be totally blissfully happy to live in forever.

Cat:

Jane Austen’s Emma. Totally fluffy world, little actual stressors.

Birdie:

Well Met!  My favorite place on earth, besides a bookstore, is Renfest.  BUT, I don’t actually want to live in the dirty and dangerous renaissance times.  So, I’d live in the cutesy small town of Willow Creek, Maryland.  The small town that hosts and acts in their own miniature Renfest!  The best of both worlds.

Book character hall pass?

Cat:

Mr. Rochester from Jane Eyre.  After that one blog post, I know you know why. *omg*

Birdie:

James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser, obvs.

Cat:

I think we both already knew the others answer.

Birdie:

though, based on my previous answer, I’ll have to pull him into this world, cause I don’t want to live in his.

Cat:

Good thing he’s used to that kind of shit.

Historical Figures fuck/marry/kill?

Birdie:

Fuck: Clyde Barrow
Marry: Marlon Brando
Kill: HH Holmes

Cat:

Fuck: Tsar Nicolas (Twirly moustache and all.)
Marry: Mark Twain – I debated putting him in the fuck category, but with his brain, he deserves a ring, too.
Kill: John C. Calhoun

Bath & Body Works scent that makes the trashiest heroine name?

Cat:

Amaretti. Sounds like the girl working at a late-night diner, single mom of two kids who is just about to start stripping to make ends meet.  Then, some dude named Dirk, a rancher who needs good vittles, walks in and changes her life.

Birdie:

Oh my god, I have to go with “Jawsome”!  First of all, what the hell does “Jawsome” even smell like!  I’m imagining the smell of a blowjob!

Cat:

*Sitting here at work, trying to recall what a blowjob smells like …*

Birdie:

I’ll help you out.  It smells like wet penis. Heehee

Cat:

It’s been a long time.  Like, a looooong time.  I’m practically a virgin.  Again.  *sighs*

Switch two animal sounds.

Cat:

Dogs and Elephants.  I wonder, would people even have dogs if they sounded like elephants?  And how hilarious would it be to hear an elephant bark.  Hell, and terrifying to hear an elephant growl.

Birdie:

Mouse and Lion.  Every single time a mouse makes a sound it can be heard from 5 miles away!  Can you imagine how LOUD the world would be.  Then, imagining the squeak of a mouse coming out of a lion.  Adorbs.

What weird thing would you make universally socially acceptable if you could?

Cat:

Living life braless.  Quarantine made me a convert to the free ta-ta life.  This shit chafes.  I feel oppressed.

Birdie:

Picking your nose.  EVERYONE does it.  Why can’t we all just pick and flick unabashedly?

Cat:

Solid suggestion.  Just like the flung boogs.

If your life was made into a movie, which actor would play you?

Cat:

Thora Birch

Birdie:

Nice answer, and I never would have guessed.  What is it about Thora Birch?

Cat:

I haven’t really watched much of her recent work, I’ll admit.  However, her early 2000’s stuff, she comes off as withdrawn, a bit neurotic and super defensive.  I feel that shit.

Birdie:

She’s not around as much anymore.
I’d pick Kathleen Turner, in her younger years.  Like, Peggy Sue Got Married age.  Or, Megyn Price.  I like her. 

What strange thing are you good at that you wish were an Olympic sport?

Cat:

Speed reading.  Talk about the most *boring* thing to watch.  Better be some damned good commentators on that shit.

Birdie:

I hear I’m really good at tuning people out completely, but looking like I’m still listening.  Lets turn that into sport.  😀

Cat:

You are the fucking master at that.  I’m never sure if you actually hear what I say to you.

Birdie:

Master champion!

What prey animal would be most terrifying as a predator?

Cat:

Deer.  Seriously, could you imagine?  A deer trying to actually chase your ass down with the intention of eating you?  Squinted eyes, then darting out at you from dark woods?  Scary shit.

Birdie:

Squirrels.  Those fuckers are EVERYWHERE.  You’d have to leave armed, like it was the zombie apocalypse.  Also, in the squirrel apocalypse you DEF wouldn’t want to live in the country!  😛

Cat:

Yeah, but I have a feeling the city squirrels would be better armed.  Still, fucking terrifying.

Birdie:

You think even the squirrels are packing in the city!

Cat:

I’m just saying, those wily fuckers would find little switch blades.


So, there you have it. Random ass shit that I’m sure you don’t want to know, but we thought it was funny to tell you anyway.

If you enjoyed this at all, please leave your answers to the questions in the comments below.

Especially if they’re much better than ours!

About catzhaus

I need a sedative.

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