Top 5 Tuesday! 

I feel like it’s been so long since I joined Top 5 Tuesday, and really I only missed one week!  I felt like a failure, but I keep reminding myself it’s gotta be okay to take a week off when you’ve got the flu.  I mean, I didn’t even read.  How can I review when I haven’t read one word?

Plus, I was really looking forward to this weeks topic.  What characters would I NOT want to enter a haunted house with… The real question should be which characters wouldn’t want ME as a partner.  I hate haunted houses!

In order to truly answer this question I had to pretend I was someone who wasn’t a chickenshit.  So, here’s the characters I wouldn’t let protect me.

Top 5 Tuesday was started by Shanah at Bionic Book Worm!

Neither Raffe from AngelFall or Barrons from Fever

While both of these characters are incredibly strong and powerful, with the ability to keep me safe and alive through an entire haunted house, I can’t imagine it would be any fun either.  Not only would they muscle their way through the entire house, they’d also do it with dry biting quips the entire time.  Like:
Raffe – “My friends call me Wrath.  My enemies call me Please Have Mercy?”
Barrons – “God Said: Let there be light!  I said: Say please.”

Neither Hazel or Gus from The Fault in Our Stars

I love Hazel and Gus.  I love the way they talk, and their pretentious banter.  I loved this story so much that I recently rewatched the movie, just so I could cry all over again.  They’re special.  They’re not haunted house material though.  There would be nothing worse than walking through a hunted house, one of the most basic mindless Halloween activities, and having to listen to the two of them philosophize the entire freaking time.  I’d just want to turn and shout, “Shut up and just get scared!”

Not Cath from Fangirl

Under normal circumstances I think Cath and I would work out well as friends.  We have the same personality.  The one where we generally don’t want to be around people.  The antisocial and socially awkward personality.
Unfortunately I don’t think two people with that personality type would do well in a haunted house together.  Chances are I would have gone to pick her up, she would have asked me inside to check out some of her introverted-like activities, and we would have ended up just staying home.  (Personally, that already sounds more fun than a haunted house.)

Definitely not Howie from I Hunt Killers

This is a no-brainer, frankly.  Rule number one, maybe have your hemophiliac friend sit out on the Haunted House trip?  Running through old decrepit buildings, corn mazes, forests, barns… or the other locations usually chosen for the spooky times, is probably frowned upon by their doctors.  Sorry Howie.  I love you.  I’d want to be your best friend.  I’m just not going to risk your life, or set myself up to be traumatized.

Paul Auster from Tell Me It’s Real, OMG no way!

When it comes to Paul Auster there’s only one reason why I wouldn’t invite him on a Haunted excursion, and that reason is that he’s a big fraidy cat.  I’d need someone brave and bold to go with me.  Someone who would let me hold their arm, protect me from the monsters, and lead me to safety- while allowing me to have fun too.  That wouldn’t be Paul Auster.  He’d leave me behind to get eaten.  He may even be the one to knock me down to get away.  You couldn’t even blame him.  Paul Auster doesn’t even know what ‘fight’ means.  He’s allllll flight.