Today, for the first time, I allowed my daughter to walk with her friends (in a group) to the gas station up the road.
I’m sure there are people out there who would shrug like it’s no big deal, and probably people who think I’m nuts. I generally fall into the second category. She’s a very responsible 13 year old, in a group of friends, and it’s at the end of a quiet, residential, dirt road in the country. I’m still uptight about it. I want keep her safe, and “in my cave”. (Totally my favorite quote from The Croods, despite how it was the opposite of what the movie was about.) Another part of me recognizes that I have to let her grow and I have to begin trusting her. So, last summer she was able to walk around our small neighborhood (with friends), and today I allowed her to walk to the store (with friends). For the first time. Eep!
Of course, before I let my daughter leave on her quest for chips and a drink, I ran down my internal fears (like how she has to cross over railroad tracks, even though I’ve drilled proper train track behavior into her head and I’ve heard that at some point I have to trust her), and also the verbal rules.
“Give me everyone’s phone number.”
“You go straight there, no dallying in the store, and straight back.”
“You come right in the house and let me know you’re back.”
“You wear your jacket and stay warm.”
“You guys all stay together and protect each other.”
“Act appropriately in the store. They don’t like rowdy rude kids.”
“Did you hear what I said about right there and right home, and let me know when you’re back!“
She was very patient with me, even when her friend is standing next to her and I’m sure it’s embarrassing.
Normally I don’t post a lot about my life, because I just don’t think it’s that interesting but also because this is a book blog and it should probably be mostly about books. I’m making an allowance though, because it led me to thinking about books! I started thinking about myself in terms of the usual parenting representations in a YA novel. It’s helped distract me, because why aren’t they back yet!?
Anyway, I realized I’m that YA mom. I’m the one that zips up the kids coat, fixes the collar, smooths out the wrinkles, brushes their hair back, follows them out the door and then waves like a crazy person as they head off down the street. I’m also completely okay with it. Maybe it drives Baby Chick up a wall, but I’m sure inside (which her teenage mind refuses to admit) she appreciates it. Right?
YA books have 4 types of parents. They have the laid back cool parent, that knows everything and they’re perfect best friends. You have the parent’s like me. The ones that make a big deal out of everything, and that worry too much. Then, you have the parents that are there but they don’t really parent. And finally, you have the ones who are literally gone. Dead or split. Obviously we all want to be in the two top options. So, I suppose if I’m physically incapable of being parent type A, then I’m perfectly content to be parent B.
Where are you, in relation to fictional parents? Are you parent A, or parent B like me? Also, why aren’t they back yet??!
This is so not happening again!
Birdie Bookworm 
Great post! My mom was the same way. She wouldn’t let me walk to the corner without supervision. And every time I went somewhere with someone she needed all their numbers and that of her parents and while sometimes it was a bit tedious I never really had a problem with it. I kinda liked it. It’s not that she didn’t trust me, it’s that she didn’t trust the world around me, as cheesy as that might sound. There are a lot of messed up things in the world so sometimes it’s safer to be parent B. I’d like to think that one day I’ll be a laid back parent, but more likely than not I’ll be like my mom lol. And don’t worry I feel like your daughter secretly appreciates it. I know I did!
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I actually don’t think she minds. She laughs or rolls her eyes, but she doesn’t really argue with me. She knows how much I love her.
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My partner and I are trying to have a child, so this is something I’ve been thinking about a bit. I imagine that, when my child is of YA reading age I’m going to be somewhere between A and B. This is partly because my job is working with teenagers, so I’m familiar with the breed (and my students tend to think I’m cool because I can rap, but strict because I don’t let them get away with much), and partly because I’m a bit of a control freak. My partner, I imagine, will be squarely in category B.
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That’s good that you guys will be a good balance for each other. My husband is parent B too, but at least our strict areas are different so we can support each other.
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I’m definitely a Type B like you also!
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The world is a scary place, and I just always want to make sure that I’m there to protect her.
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Oh I so feel you on this!! My daughter recently started wanting to hang out with her friends. I’ve had to let her walk to the store and go to the parl. She’s 12 and, like your daughter, is very responsible. But her being responsible, strong and smart doesn’t take away the worry!!! I sit there and watch the clock counting down. LOL
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No, that’s exactly it. No matter how responsible she is, I still want to keep her safe in my arms reach. I tell her all the time that she’s the most important thing in my world.
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Awe! I look at it this way – even though my over worrying annoys her sometimes (get over it lol) it means that I care. If I let her run all over, didn’t ask where she was going to be, who she was going to be with, etc, it would mean that I’m not doing my job. Motherhood is tough!
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Sometimes we have to be the bad guy
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I’m so parent B. Nothing wrong with being parent B. 🙂
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Heck no. I agree. It just makes me think about when I was a teen and thought about the kind of parent I’d be, lol.
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Great post and I’m definitely right there with you as Parent B. I’m sure I drive my son crazy (and probably my husband too as he tends to be the more laid back Parent A), but it’s who I am and I make no apologies for it, haha.
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Bahaha! This is hilarious, because even though I don’t have kids, I am the overprotective one. I babysit my cousin’s girls on Saturdays, and I had to drop one of them off at cheering practice one day. My cousin told me I could just drive in and let her out of the car; she’d go in and be fine. It was probably true and it even sounded OK when she said it, but once we got there I couldn’t just let her go in. She was so mad at me telling me that that’s what Mommy did. I told her that’s not how I roll. It wasn’t until I saw a parent I knew walking in with their kid that I could let her go. I think I might watch too much Dateline. LOL
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That’s exactly how I am! Lex wants me to let her walk home to her grandmas after school and there is absolutely no way! None! I don’t even like dropping her off at school before she can enter her classroom. The kids start lining up outside the school and they open the doors at 7:45
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Fantastic post! I really enjoyed reading this. I laughed a little as I found myself reflecting on my own parent. I think we fall in the same category. And I am ok with that 😉
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LOL! Thanks! I was actually sitting on the couch, trying to read but fretting about how long she was gone, and the idea just came to me. I figured, writing a post was a great way to distract myself. I’m actually okay with it too. I think she secretly loves it.
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