Reading YA as a mom has been really eye opening.
Books I would have taken for granted before Baby Chick, probably even love, I now see very differently. I’m more aware of the unhealthy messages in fiction than I ever was when it was just myself.
I think about this a lot, actually. However, I decided to write this post after discussing a YA girl power vengeance novel. The story plot involved an assault, and then the victim going vigilante on her attacker in an act of revenge. The discussion was whether it was a healthy message for our youth.
Our opinions differed, with mine leaning toward the belief that teenagers are able to tell realism from a fantasy. However, there are area’s where I know that isn’t true. Do I believe my daughter wouldn’t go on a murderous rampage against those who hurt her? No. But, do I believe she’s got as clear a head when it comes to a healthy romance?
Yeah, not so much.
There are too many popular romances out there for our daughters that glorify abusive relationships. It’s so easy for impressionable girls to want to romanticize a negative behavior that is written as ‘loving’. They don’t see it for what it really is. Controlling.
The first time I went on this rant it was for my nieces, who were deeply invested in the Twilight saga. At the time Baby Chick was actually a baby, but my nieces were all in high school, or early college. I’d read the series. I’d been caught up in the addictive feelings it inspired. Still, I felt like it was necessary for me to explain how, even though Edward was dreamy, his behavior’s were not. In addition, I wanted them to recognize how the concept that Bella would give up everything do be dead with him was a false idea, and completely unhealthy. Then, on top of that, all the consequences of her choice never came to fruition. In a sense, she was rewarded for killing herself by getting everything she really wanted.
My niece wrote an essay on it in a college class.
I was so proud.
Unfortunately, it hasn’t ended there. There’s a slew of problematic romances out there, even outside of reading. I’ve tried my best to steer Baby Chick away from all of them.
I remember taking her and her friend to see Suicide Squad, and on our way out there was talk about Joker and Harley Quinn, and all the awwwws and envy from young tweens… and it was a little scary, because those Joker and Harley checked all the abuse boxes. Our girls need to recognize how horrible it really was, despite how entertaining the characters in a movie were. I don’t want any girls too long for abuse. Ever.
Seek a partner who builds you up!
Thankfully, for every one bad romance there are five great ones. There are romance novels out there showcasing relationships that are compassionate, giving, supportive… like Fangirl, Flat Out Love, or Looking for Alibrandi.
Now, if go look through my Goodreads shelf you’ll probably see plenty of unhealthy, romance novels. *cough-Jericho-cough* Well, the thing about teenage brains is they aren’t fully developed. I believe Baby Chick knows the difference between reading vigilante story and being an actual vigilante. My hope is once she’s an adult she will also be able to tell the difference between reading about a dangerous relationship, and actually living one.
And, if I’m wrong, Mommy bird will be right there to chirp in her ear.
I wholehearted agree with you. And since I became a proud aunt, there’s a bit of books that are troublesome to read. My niece is only 7 y.o. but, she’s venturing into reading, and she still looks at life with the innocence a 7 y.o has.
The hype has settled a bit, but, the fifty shades phenomenon here in Portugal gave me material for quite some hot discussions, because I don’t agree that series should be sold as romance. The amount of adult women that dreamed about Mr Grey, and thought him so wonderful, makes me hill. Is as simple as this: if she cringes when saying something because she’s afraid of his reaction, that is not healthy relationship. Do not put yourself at risk, just because you think that love will be enough to change him into Prince Charming.
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EXACTLY!!! Teenage minds (or younger, like your niece) are still developing. This is why they need parents. I’ve always promised my daughter that I would never refuse to let her read a book. No matter how adult themed it is, she can read it. BUT, you can be sure that I’ll be right there to make it a discussion on what should be acceptable in relationships and what shouldn’t.
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That is a very good approach. My mom doesn’t like to read books – just magazines – but she never told me or my sister that we couldn’t read a book. Of course, since she didn’t read, theme discussion was something we never had.
Too bad… It could have changed the whole experience for me. *takes notes for good parenting*
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LOL! I was always allowed to read whatever I wanted to, and my mom never had theme discussions with me either. Sounds like we turned out alright, so maybe this is all moot.
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Maybe. Maybe not.
YA books are changing – more violence, more sex, more expectations, they all reflect more pressure to our young ones. So are adult books. Heck, the unwind process in Unwind impressed me quite a big deal. Not the separation bit by bit, but the coldness and detachment adults displayed during the entire book.
When my sister was 15, she got impressed by the eye scene in Congo by Michael Crichton. 10 years later, 15 years old read about teens fighting each other till death for public entertainment, and that is okay to date a sparkling vampire that stalks us on our sleep, and decides what is best for us.
So yeah, I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
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A sparkling vampire that stalks us in our sleep, decides what’s best for us, and whom we would choose death for… you’re right. I actually do think about how the YA from my youth is very different from the YA today. What hits our shelves now is a far cry from Sweet Valley High and Nancy Drew. So, it very much could have altered our ideals. When I picked up an adult book, it was because I knew it would be for a more mature mindset. Now, books like VC Andrews which used to be in adult horror are found in the YA section.
Unwind also shook me. The detachment of the adults in the series, and the loss of self when a teen was being unwound. Extremely thought provoking and dark.
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And by hill I meant ill… Sorry for all the typos, I was writing in English whilst having a conversation in Portuguese at the same time. Multitask is overrated.
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Ha! I totally understood everything you were saying. 🙂
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🙂
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Great post, and I agree with your points. It’s easy to be swept up in the drama of Edward and Bella, but very uncomfortable to take a step back and realize that Bella is giving up her literal life for a boy… and it’s presented as the ultimate romantic choice. Ugh. Very bad messaging for teens, and I think it’s important to reinforce the difference between dramatic, swoony fictional relationships and what makes an actual healthy relationship in real life.
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Exactly! Yes, in the world of Twilight, she wasn’t actually “Dying”, but instead becoming a vampire. So fine, let’s pretend it’s not actual death she chose, instead she took a course of action knowing that there would be negative ramifications for doing so. Yet, even that didn’t happen. Letting go of her family and life to better fit in with her boyfriend ended up being the RIGHT choice. It feels icky.
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Awww… I looove Twilight, and plenty of dark romances. On twittter, I see discourse all the time as why we feel attracted to dark villains: they break societal norm and usually enable the heroine to do something she always wanted.
This is not to say I condone abuse^^ no, no, no. But dang, I love me some dark, evil love interests.
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LOL! Well, I do too. Like, Jericho Barrons from the Fever series. The heroine had to accept that he will always act in shades of gray, but that he loved her.
I just feel like in YA it shouldn’t be glorified. Like, it shouldn’t be okay to break into someones house to watch them sleep. The question is, if it’s not something that upsets the main character, will your young adults then believe that (what is actually) stalking is something that’s romantic?
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